


don't say I didn't warn you

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: A Rose By Any Other Name [2]
Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Ridiculousness, Rose is the Master, alternate series 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 03:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2606207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you’re really an alien?” Martha asked, once the Judoon were gone and the hospital was back on Earth where it belonged. “Really?”</p><p>“Yup,” said the Doctor. “And this is normally the part where I’d offer to take you on a trip to see all of space and time, except that <i>someone</i> stole my ship.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't say I didn't warn you

**Author's Note:**

> _It has been so long since I tried to write the Tenth Doctor, seriously. Hopefully he's not too OOC here._

**don’t say I didn’t warn you**

“So you’re really an alien?” Martha asked, once the Judoon were gone and the hospital was back on Earth where it belonged. “Really?”

“Yup,” said the Doctor. “And this is normally the part where I’d offer to take you on a trip to see all of space and time, except that _someone_ stole my ship.” He sounded disgruntled about it.

“What, so you’re stuck here, on Earth?” Martha asked.

“Unfortunately,” the Doctor agreed. “it’s not the first time, though, and UNIT took me on as a consultant, so it’s not too bad, I suppose.” His dark tone of voice contradicted his words.

“Is this a thing you do, then?” Martha asked. “Go around dealing with aliens?”

“Pretty much,” said the Doctor. He gave her a bright grin. “You know, I could always use an assistant, if you’re interested.”

“As long as it doesn’t conflict with my uni schedule, I’m in,” said Martha. “What’s the pay like?”

The Doctor made a face like the question had never occurred to him, and shrugged.

“Oh, we’ll have to take that up with UNIT,” he said airily. Martha wondered what UNIT was – that was the second time he’d mentioned it.

“What is UNIT, anyway?” Martha asked.

“United Nations Intelligence Taskforce,” the Doctor explained vaguely. “They deal with things like this. Well, sometimes. If I don’t get there first.”

“Is it always this dangerous?” Martha asked, a little cautiously.

“Oh yes.” The Doctor gave her a manic grin. “Isn’t that brilliant?”

Martha decided to tread carefully, but all the same, the opportunity to meet more aliens wasn’t one she could pass up.

* * *

Working with the Doctor in-between classes was difficult, but always exciting. The Doctor always seemed to be stumbling across something weird that needed fixing, and Martha couldn’t help developing a crush on him – he was cute, intelligent as hell, and strangely endearing, even when he was going on at a mile-a-minute about something no one else in the room understood.

The Doctor’s boss – “She’s not my _boss_ , she’s just in charge of UNIT, that’s all,” the Doctor had protested – was apparently the daughter of someone he used to work with, which made Martha feel a little weird; it was one thing to be told that the bloke you were crushing on was actually a centuries-old alien, and another to actually see evidence of it. The Doctor’s boss let the Doctor get away with a lot, a wry twist to her mouth as she gave the Doctor permission to do whatever daft thing he was planning to do. So far, the daft things had always worked out, despite how crazy they seemed at the time, so maybe Kate Stewart just knew the Doctor well enough to understand how much of a genius he really was.

When he wasn’t out dealing with aliens and other weird stuff, the Doctor was usually on-base at UNIT, building science equipment no one else saw a need for, like his timey-wimey detector.

“A timey-wimey detector?” Martha repeated, one eyebrow raised.

“It goes ding when there’s stuff,” the Doctor agreed. “What? Don’t look at me like that, Martha Jones, it’s incredibly useful, I’ll have you know. It’ll tell me when my ship turns up again, for one thing. Or it should, I think I got the calibration right.”

“You never did explain how you ship got stolen,” Martha mused, but the Doctor only cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject.

One day Martha was going to get the story out of him, she swore to herself. There was a betting pool throughout UNIT on who had stolen the Doctor’s TARDIS (because that was the name of his ship, apparently) and how they’d done it. So far, the most popular option seemed to be that the Doctor had forgotten to lock the door and someone had simply walked up and stolen it.

Martha could see that happening, to be honest. The Doctor was really absent-minded, sometimes.

The two of them were on-base when some kind of alarm went off, and someone came to fetch the Doctor. Martha tagged along behind him.

“What’s going on?” the Doctor demanded of Kate, as he and Martha joined the UNIT top-brass in the conference room.

“Take a look for yourself,” said Kate, and told someone to play the transmission.

The TV screen flickered to life, and the face of an attractive blonde woman looked out of it. The Doctor made a choked noise.

“Greetings, people of Earth,” said the blonde woman. Her voice had a distinct Cockney accent.  “UNIT, Torchwood, etcetera. I am the Master. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.” The Master smirked. “Right now, my forces surround this planet. Surrender the Doctor, or the Earth will be destroyed.”

The Master winked, still smirking, and the transmission ended.

Martha glanced at the Doctor, to see him staring in furious incredulity at the screen.

“That’s – that’s – she didn’t–” The Doctor descended into wordless spluttering.

“Doctor, what do you suggest we do?” Kate asked. The Doctor glanced at her.

“Surrender me, of course.” Exasperation was clear across his face, as he went back to glaring at the TV screen.

“That plan puts you at risk,” Kate pointed out. “This is the Master, she could be up to anything. What if this is her way of getting you out of the way so that she can go ahead and destroy the Earth anyway?”

“It’s not.” The Doctor ran a hand through his hair, still looking incredibly annoyed. “She’s playing games.”

“You know her?” Martha asked.

“She’s my, um…” the Doctor mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘girlfriend.’

“She’s your _what?_ ” said Kate incredulously, apparently having heard the same thing Martha had. “Doctor, she’s tried to conquer this planet multiple times!”

“It’s complicated,” said the Doctor. “Really, really complicated.”

“You never even mentioned you _had_ a girlfriend,” said Martha, feeling betrayed and a little jealous, “and now I find out she’s a megalomaniac trying to take over the world?”

“It’s…”

“Complicated,” Martha finished for him. “Yeah, I’m getting that.”

“You can’t be serious,” said Kate, staring at the Doctor. “After everything the Master has done… she’s killed people, Doctor!”

The Doctor looked suddenly ancient, a dark look in his eyes.

“So have I,” he said quietly.

Kate looked just as taken-aback as Martha. The Doctor shook his head.

“Look, she’s not going to destroy the Earth,” he said. “This is… look, I told you, she’s playing games.”

“That hardly makes it better!” said Kate.

There was a strange noise, a kind of unearthly _vworp-vworp_ sound, and the Doctor’s head snapped around, and he ran for the door. Martha and Kate exchanged looks, and ran after him.

A blue box was slowly materialising in the middle of the hallway. At Kate’s command, UNIT soldiers crowded into the hallway, raising their weapons as the… police box?.... finally solidified. A moment later the door opened.

“Hello, boys,” said the Master, smirking as the UNIT soldiers trained their guns on her. “I really wouldn’t. The slightest problem, and I’ll give the order for my forces to attack. So be careful with those itchy trigger-fingers, alright?”

“Hold your fire,” said Kate, and the Master’s smirk widened.

“Master,” said the Doctor darkly.

The smile the Master gave at the sight of him was radiantly beautiful, Martha was forced to reluctantly admit. It figured – The Doctor was smart, good-looking, kind – of _course_ he had a psychotic girlfriend stashed away somewhere.

The Doctor folded his arms and looked stern.

“Tell me where you got the army,” he said.

The Master rolled her eyes.

“Does it matter? The important part is that I have an army. That means, you do as I say. I hold all the cards, Doctor.”

“See, the thing is, I don’t believe you,” said the Doctor. “Oh, I believe you about the army, that sounds like you. But destroying the Earth? Nope. I don’t believe you.”

The Master looked incredulous.

“Are you actually daring me to go ahead?” she asked. “Really? With my track record?”

The Doctor’s eyes never wavered from hers. It was as though there was no one else in the room, just him and the Master. Martha shifted uncomfortably.

The Master let out a disgusted sigh.

“Oh, fine,” she said. “Did anyone ever tell you that you suck all the fun out of things?” She raised her wrist to her mouth, and spoke into the device there. “Mission complete. Your services are no longer required.” She let her hand drop and glared at the Doctor. “Happy now?”

“Arrest her,” Kate ordered, and the Master’s eyes widened, and she darted into the police box before any of the UNIT soldiers could stop her. The Doctor instantly ran after her, and Martha, not wanting to be left behind, did the same.

Martha stopped, staring, as she found herself in a large room, one that was definitely a lot bigger than the outside of the police box had been.

“Quick, bolt the door!” the Doctor shouted, and Martha shook herself out of her shock, bolting the door as the Doctor had ordered. When she turned around, the Master and the Doctor were arguing.

“Three months!” the Doctor shouted. “Three months, stuck on _Earth!_ ”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the Master drawled. “You know, that’s about how long I was stuck in the alternate universe, thinking there was no way I could ever get home. Funny, that.”

“What?” the Doctor looked winded. “Is that what this was about?” He looked furiously annoyed again.

The Master grinned.

“Ooh, and now you’re all mad,” she said happily. “What are you going to do, Doctor?”

“First I’m going to ask again: where did you get the army?” the Doctor demanded. The Master sighed.

“You’re not going to give up until I answer, are you?” she asked rhetorically. “I hired a bunch of mercenaries, obviously.”

“To do what?” the Doctor asked, taking a step forward. The Master rolled her eyes again.

“To escort me to Earth,” she admitted grudgingly. “Actually invading the planet would have been far too expensive – _mmph_ –”

The Master’s words were cut off as the Doctor kissed her. Martha was pretty sure her presence had been forgotten.

“I am so angry at you,” said the Doctor, breaking the kiss. The Master smirked at him.

“What, that I didn’t invade the Earth?”

“You know what I mean,” the Doctor said. The Master laughed.

“Tell me, how worried were you, really?”

“Shut up, this isn’t a game,” said the Doctor.

“Isn’t it?” The Master raised her eyebrows. “Because you seem to be playing.”

“I don’t want anyone hurt, you understand?” The Doctor met the Master’s eyes.

The Master twirled the Doctor's tie around her finger.

“Doctor. Did anyone get hurt today?” She sounded condescending and impatient. “No? Then _you_ shut up.”

And then they were kissing again. Martha felt distinctly like a third wheel.

Turning away from the deranged couple – the Master was clearly insane, and the Doctor was just as crazy if he was dating her – Martha looked around the inside of what she assumed was the Doctor’s ship. It had a strangely organic, alien look, with coral-like struts and a dim glow that suffused the entire room.

Martha looked back at the Doctor and the Master. They were still kissing, and things had gotten kind of handsy. Martha cleared her throat loudly.

When this had no effect, she said, “Oi! Still here, you know.”

The Doctor stopped kissing the Master, and said, “Oh, yeah, Martha.”

“Another one of your tag-alongs, yeah?” the Master asked curiously, looking irritated at the interruption of the snog-session. She gave Martha an up-and-down glance. “Hmm. At least she looks brighter than most of them do.”

“Excuse me, I’m _right here_ ,” Martha pointed out. “Doctor, is this your ship?”

“Yes it is,” the Doctor confirmed.

“So she’s the one who made off with it?” Martha asked, tilting her head in the Master’s direction.

“It was so easy,” the Master confirmed, grinning. “I just waited until he stepped out to buy some more bananas, and then took off with the TARDIS.”

“Don’t tell her that,” the Doctor whinged.

“Sounds like him,” Martha admitted, and ignored the Doctor’s outraged look. “So you’re his girlfriend, then?”

“Did he actually admit it?” the Master asked, looking interested. “Oh, how sweet.” She sent the Doctor a mischievous look, her tongue caught in between her teeth, and yeah, Martha could see what the Doctor saw in her.

Martha told herself that there was no point in being jealous. It wasn’t as difficult as she’d expected, but then, her opinion of the Doctor had gone down a little, now she knew he was dating a megalomaniac.

“Don’t start,” the Doctor warned.

“What’s your name?” the Master asked, looking back at Martha.

“Martha Jones,” said Martha. “I’m the Doctor’s assistant, when I’m not studying to be a doctor.”

The Master looked delighted, and sent the Doctor another look, full of mirth.

“Oh, shut up,” snapped the Doctor, apparently reading the look perfectly.

“Tell me, Martha Jones, how do you feel about travelling in time and space?” the Master asked. “Me and the TARDIS could use another girl in here.”

“Are you two always this crazy?” Martha asked bluntly.

“Yep,” said the Master, while the Doctor went, “I’m not crazy!”

Martha gave the Master a long look, then glanced at the Doctor, who still looked indignant.

Then she smiled carefully at the Master.

“Sounds exciting,” Martha responded. “Sure. Why not?”

“Oh, good,” said the Master, smiling widely, as the Doctor groaned.

“You have no idea what you’ve done,” the Doctor told Martha.

“Don’t worry,” said the Master cheerfully, “she’ll find out soon enough.”

Martha had the unsettling feeling that the Master was right.


End file.
